"O Pear"? "Oh Pare"? "Au Pair"? Forget it: I'm a Nanny.

Hello, people who follow my life on the internet. How ya been? Long time no updates, I know, many apologies! I'm sure that during that bloggatory hiatus several questions have come to your mind about my current circumstances (because I know I'm always on your mind):

1) Where am I? Townsville.
2) What am I doing? Au pairing.
3) Have I had any run ins with deadly Aussie fauna lately? Always.
4) Been dumb enough to invest in another $750 car again? Fuck no.
5) When the hell are you coming back home? Eh...

Good? Good.

Ahhhhh kidding of course! Allow me to elaborate in an itemized fashion:

1) I am currently living Townsville, Queensland (not to be confused with the Townsville of the PowerPuff Girls). Sadly I am no longer traveling with the loveliest Swedes that Australia has to offer...we had to separate due to creative differences. Well, ok it was more along the lines of needing jobs to replenish our bank accounts after we got swindled by our car, Johnny (still hate you).

2) "A job, you say? You, Ashley, are employable?? Even after all of your ridiculous and shameless exploits all over Australia?" Yes, yes I am employable and yes I do have a job! I am currently au pairing...but for those of you who opted to take Spanish in high school in lieu of French, that's just a fancy-ass way of saying I'm a nanny. Now that I've answered Question 2, I'm sure you've since come up with Question 2a: "WHO THE HELL WOULD LET YOU CARE FOR THEIR CHILDREN?!"

            2a) Canadians. I am now an American in Australia working for Canadians (Nationalityception!) I’m currently living with and working for the St. Maurice-Brassard family. They are an awesome bunch, a hardcore basketball family—Claudia went to the 2000 Olympics and played professionally for the Townsville Fire—always have Heinz ketchup in the house (only Americans in Australia will understand my tomato sauce plight), and the kids are pretty much the best and easiest kids to have possibly ended up with. Cast of characters:

-Maya: 11, my own personal hair stylist (seriously a prodigy and could have her own salon right now), super intelligent, has better fashion sense in one finger than I have in my whole body, patiently teaching me the art of basketball, Candy Crush wizard, is a TOTAL cheater at Skip-Bo (the Lance Armstrong of cards), probably going to be taller than me when I leave.

-Oliver: 4, iPad guru, thinks the reality show “Biggest Loser” is called “Big Fat Losers,” educating me on all Marvel superheros, asks ~691 questions per day, can make his arms grow several inches in one sitting after eating shepherd's pie, enjoys comparing peoples size and ages, can be talked into doing damn near anything as long as it’s a race.

I spend more time with Ollie than Maya since she’s in school every day,  so my day in a nutshell is this:

                   

                      Cruising around and servicing our "car"

Browsing the chair section of Bunnings Warehouse for an hour (the boy knows that time is money)

Solving the timeless debate of who's better: pirates or jedis?

Gourmet Playdoh feasts

                   

Sight-seeing: nailed it!

And of course, a date with a cute chick every now and again (his BFF Faith)!

Am I liking the new gig? Duh. I literally get to be a kid again every single day (with a certain level of responsibility, I guess...). Let's just say that I've rediscovered my love for Tom and Jerry, Crayola products, sword fighting, swimming races, and Disney movies (wait that never left). Oh and just when I think it can't get anymore awesome things like this happen:

Cooling off after netball. I'm going to be assassinated for posting this.

STRAYA!

3) Deadly animals? Well, since I'm in suburbia now the chances aren't so great of being killed every step I take, but hey. This is Australia. Damn near everything can kill or maim you! For example, the frangipani tree. Lovely flowers that everyone picks and wears in their hair, but BOOM! The sap that comes out of the leaves can blind you. Ugh, only Australia... Of course, there are lots of invisible and make-believe deadly creatures/monsters that I face on the daily:

...cause when you draw coral reefs, sharks come and attack you!

4) New car? Seriously, definitely still no. There is no need for an elaboration on that one.

5) America. Hmmm. Yeah I miss home and all, but ehhhh I think I'll wait it out for a little while longer. My tentative plans for now are Townsville until mid-June, Thailand until July, Australia road trip with Kat and Eloise until August, bailing Black Kat out of jail sometime in mid-july, DAD COMING TO AUSTRALIA IN AUGUST, aaaaand when my visa expires here I'll bounce the country and stay in New Zealand until they kick me out (or recruit me for rugby). Man, life is hard!

Well, there it is! Although that is only the abridged version of my life in the last month, hopefully everyone is for the most part all caught up on my whirlwind life. If not, I happily respond to all email inquiries within 2-5 business days. Cheers!

PS: if you see my Dad around, be sure to nudge him a little closer to the decision of getting over here. I'd like to compile further evidence as to why I'm the favorite child.