Okay just kidding, it was never that simple. It took me nearly 8 months of begging, emotionally blackmailing, nagging, and whining to get him to finally cave. Sure, no one likes to admit that they're talented and well-versed in such behaviors, but as the youngest of 4, I've had years of training leading up to that moment. Flash back to 1993, when the newest Barbie came out into stores and was all the rage: I needed it. There was no way I'd be able to keep up with that goody-two shoes bitch Kaylee at day care with her overly-impressive Barbie collection without it. Ever quick on my feet (coincidentally donned in light-up Barbie sneakers...SWAG.) and aware of my apple-of-his-eye status, I would grasp his hand, gaze sweetly into his eyes, and ask, "Daddy, have I been a good girl?" Obviously the response was always "Why yes, sweetie, you have! Why do you ask?" To which I would reply with a long and detail-oriented diatribe about the new Barbie product, and the merits it had over the one which had previously been purchased for me (incidentally because I had been a good girl then, too). I'm not so audacious as to claim that at 4-years-old I was as articulate and persuasive as Gandhi or Churchill, but let's just say that I amassed an impressive Barbie collection over the years. But I digress. Let's just say that in the past year, the phone calls got more convincing, the pleading more desperate, and the date I was to be due back home just kept getting pushed back farther and farther. We were at a stalemate, and the man finally caved. I may have to invest in a limited edition Global Travel Barbie to commemorate this occasion.
I am pleased to announce that on August 15th, 2013, that Gordon David Hughes Jr. arrived safely in Melbourne...not by his own, mind you. He enlisted my brother Jared and his girlfriend Sarah to join along and get him here without a breakdown in customs. But still! He did it! And I got to see my brother and meet his leading lady out of the deal!
Before I delve into the nitty gritty details of our trip, I need to provide an appropriate analogical framework for which to describe our family adventures for the last 2 weeks. I can think of none other than the National Lampoon's Vacation movies...which are of course Hughes family favorites anyways. I'm talking the whole series: Vacation, Christmas Vacation, European Vacation, Vegas Vacation. If you're unfamiliar with these cinematic delights, 1) you need to enrich your life and watch them and 2) you may not understand the next several reverences...in which case, refer to point #1. If by chance you are a well-cultured American citizen, please feel free to nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize for having survived these last 2 weeks. Now, let's cut to the [Chevy] chase and go over the highlights of this epic family vacation!
1) Dad's arrival. Probably one of the most amazing days of my life having not seen or hugged my father in over 11 months. I won't say who cried more in the currency exchange line--but to be fair, the woman at the counter watching us is a contender in that contest. A mixture of pure joy, relief, excitement, and exhaustion. "HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT. WHERE'S THE TYLENOL?!"
To be quite honest, I'm not sure which photo depicts the emotions of the moment best...
2) Next, we hopped over the the extremely desolate Alice Springs and did a tour of the very middle of Australia with the lovely Lina. Fun facts: Dad did a tour here with Mom when they came out 30 years ago! Dad climbed Uluru, and Mom tried but made it up 100 feet, looked down, and panicked. I'm proud to report that I made it!
...yeah ok, so maybe the falling wasn't as real as it was for one Clark W. Griswold, but my series of these photos created over the course of this vacation will make excellent gifts for Grandma! And although that may not have actually happened to us like in Christmas Vacation, there was a point where Dad thought that he had lost a significant amount of American and Australian cash from our hotel room (because as you can imagine, ATMs and bank cards are...challenging...):
It was a happy ending though, I assure you. BUT, back to more positive things. Being 67 and on a tour that included sleeping on the ground in the middle of the desert winter and 6 and 9km hikes through Watarraka, Uluru, and Kata Tjuta (the artists formerly known as King's Canyon, Ayers Rock, and the Olgas), saying that he did well was an understatement. Dad freakin' beasted it. The man was ahead of 80% of the tour group at all times, and completely smoked the other parents who were on the tour with their vagrant backpacking children.
Yes, although Dad didn't whiz down the Olgas on a metal saucer sled greased with cooking spray, he whizzed up all the hills like a champion. Heartattack Hill at the beginning of the King's Canyon hike? Please excuse us, 20-year-old European smokers, while we make like Rocky and sprint to the summit. Maybe it was the fact that we were rewarded with cookies at the tops of many peaks, I don't know. Whatever it is, I pity the fool who steals his baked goods or hallmark ornaments and tries to get away with it.
Oh, and in lieu of making a summary of our trip to the Red Center, I'll inform you that no trip with my father is complete without him compulsively making inappropriate jokes:
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| "Hey Ash, this must be what the aboriginals called "Clitoris Rock!" |
3) After this lovely adventure, we jetted off to Sydney to stay with the wonderful O'hares (aka my Aussie parents). And of course, we couldn't go without visiting some national icons...
Fortunately the dynamic Hughes duo created no international incidents (that have been reported). AND I'm happy to announce that it was here in Sydney that I showed Dad how to use an ATM...because he's literally never used one before...ever...
4) Our last stop, and from where I'm reporting live, was Cairns--a delightful tropical location and one of the many spots to visit the Great Barrier Reef. Despite his many fears of getting swept off to sea and eaten by a shark, Dad was somehow miraculously convinced to get in the water and we had an amazing time!
...thank god he left his Speedo in Gilbertsville, though...
Sadly, today is Dad's last day in Australia, and the last time I'll see him before I come home (whenever that is). Unless of course, he decides to visit me on my trip to Asia. Daddy, if you're reading this, have I been a good girl...? Just kidding. I've had to deal with enough of your stressed out questions and anxieties in the last 2 weeks, and that's in a 1st world country that you already visited 30 years ago. You'll be happy to know that 3rd world travel with you is out of the question, sir!
But really, in all seriousness. I think that Dad deserves a round of applause (and the promise that I'll only put him in comfortable brand name adult diapers in years to come) for putting himself so far outside his comfort zone to make this trip possible. Pops, I know that this trip has given you a lot to stress about in the last couple of months, but believe me when I tell you that it means the [other side of the] world to me. I didn't realize how much I had missed you until I got to that currency exchange line in Melbourne, and can't tell you how much it's meant to me getting to share these last 2 weeks with you. It's given me some of the fondest memories of my trip thus far, and I'm so glad that I've got such an amazing Dad. I love you I love you I love you.
I'd like to make a big special thanks to everyone who helped make this trip possible. In particular, every member of G-ville and the tri-county are who replied, "um, duh, yes you should!" to Dad's musing of "Ash wants me to go to Australia, but I don't know..." Who said that peer pressure wasn't a positive thing?! Now I'll just ask one more favor of helping to keep him calm while I venture into Indonesia in Southeast Asia in the coming months. Wish me luck :)
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